Get What You Deserve

"Don't stop until you get what you deserve."
I've heard a couple of messages like that lately, all meant to be encouragement, I'm sure. But when I hear it, I can't help but wonder . . .
What DO I deserve?
Where did that concept come from?
I guess I can understand it on day-to-day terms. If you tell me you'll pay me to mow your lawn, and I mow it, I deserve to be paid, as per our agreement. An honest question deserves and honest answer (for some reason?).
But when it comes to the general scope and direction of my life, what do I "deserve?"

I haven't made any huge contribution to this world that entitles me to any outstanding rights and privileges, so do I deserve anything just by the virtue of being a human and alive? I suppose I deserve my Natural Rights, along with everyone else, and I feel that for the most part I have them. For all the talk of rights and privacy being chipped away (and I do not doubt that this is happening) I am able to lead a rather free and easy life. Much more so, in fact, than most of my brothers and sisters across the globe. If we all deserve equal treatment, then I certainly have nothing to complain about, for most of humanity is far, far worse off than I am.

It is conceivable that doing things that are good and right might cause an individual to deserve something above and beyond his or her natural rights. "One good turn deserves another" and all that. If such criteria exist, I am not sure that I have, or ever will meet them.

But assuming I have lived a good life, or occasionally done the right thing, how much credit can I actually take for it?
My actions are all influenced by the situation I live in and the people around me. I certainly could not have done any of the good and right things I might have done without the support of loving parents and encouraging friends, so I can't see why I alone would deserve anything special for those times when I might have Done The Right Thing.
Do I even deserve to have loving parents and encouraging friends? I suppose that I might, but no more so than anybody else, and there are plenty of people who have never experienced the depth of love that I have known.
I am exceedingly fortunate.

When I look to my future and ask "what do I deserve?" I cannot help by see it as a debit, something to repay, rather than a credit that I am owed.
I already have more than I deserve. It is my desperate prayer that I will be able to provide for those who are in need, and therefore more deserving than me.

To be quite honest, I am not sure how I will do this.
xxxooo

Out Side R

Just listened to Horses, Patti Smith's first album from '75. Whhoooooo man. I don't think I've felt such a need to sit with an album and try and understand it before -- you can't put this music on just as background noise. man o man . . . i need to write more when I better understand.
For now, I will say that Ms. Smith and her band have the uncanny, un-nerving and unusual ability to sneak inside a pop song and then tear it completely apart and inside out, like a virus. This album has at the very least versions of "Gloria" (the rock standard penned by Van Morrison), "Birdland" (which I know best as a Chubby Checker tune), "Land of 1000 Dances" (it's the one that talks about all sorts of dances like the mashed potatoe and twistin' with lucy) and "My Generation" (in which she out-punks The Who, which is rather terrifying), and I could be missing other mutated songs, since some of these are barely recognizable from the originals.

Music explodes!

I get frustrated sometimes because I feel like my tastes in art and culture and, quite frankly what I value most in life are rare and not shared by many people around me. Sometimes I honestly wish I could just enjoy . . . I don't know, A Beautiful Mind or The DaVinci Code or whatever, just so that I could connect with people more easily.
But quite frankly, I don't think I could live in a place where everyone shared my values. I tend to naturally react against what is established or easily embraced. If I were to meet someone who liked all of the same things I do, I think I would be suspicious and maybe even a little threatened.
But every once in a while, it sure sounds nice.

edit: You can apparently listen to that Patti Smith album for free on the RS website, although I haven't tried it myself, so I don't know how easy or fun it is, but it's worth checking out (scroll to the bottom).

edit 2: The X-Men 3 trailer!!!! See, there is some stuff out there that you and I both like!

change change change

(open up your eyes/and you can see the flames of a wasted life . . . you should be ashamed)
I said you don't want to waste your life now baby