My weapon of choice is MS_PAINT

A lot of my job involves the same thing every office job involves: the paper trails, the endless e-mails, the unfathomable memos, the crashing waves of existential angst, the giddy excitement of ordering boxes and boxes of pens, the acting need to act aloof when using the copier so that it doesn't smell your fear and start jamming again and again, the carpal tunnel, the interoffice small talk (everyone is "doing ok!" or "hanging in there!"), the desire to hang up after an annoying call so hard that the phone explodes, and so on, etc.
But every once in a while I get to do something that uses my own unique talents and abilities! For example, I received this photo that had to go in the employee newsletter:



Ignore that it is a boring picture, ok? It was important to include the three people in the front row, but the picture was way too wide to fit comfortably on the page I was laying out. I had to get rid of all that empty space between them in order to make it fit. So, I bust out my mad photo-manip skills, and BEHOLD:



Now, this sort of thing is very common thanks to Photoshop. Normal-looking women are made to look like terrifying beauty queens in order to sell magazines EVERY DAY! But I do not have Photoshop at my office. Nor do I have any other comparable photo-editing program. But I do have .... MS_PAINT! Which is to say, for those of you old enough to understand, that I have a stripped down version of Kid-Pix. But I am undaunted! I was able to take my old school skills to the mat here and convincingly COMPRESS TIME AND SPACE (ok, so probably just space) in such a way that I bet when the people in that photo see it in the newsletter, they won't even think, "Wow, did I really sit that close to that dude?" They will just assume that, yes indeed they did. They might wonder why they don't remember that dude smelling as badly as usual, but they will not doubt that they were mere inches from his (or her) armpit.

That's right, my skills are esoteric, BUT THEY GET THE JOB DONE!!
Wait, let me say that in MS_PAINT ....

(hang on a second here)...

BAM!


YES! Ok, that took a really long time, but wouldn't it make a great tee-shirt? Of course it would! If for no other reason, than because MS_PAINT has such terrible compression that it makes every image look like it was printed on cheap cotton and sent through the wash about three dozen times.
See, that would be cool if grunge were still in. But soon grunge will be coming back again! Just when you think worthless skills are worthless, they become popular again.

And here is proof.



That's right: POGS ARE BACK!
and: THEY ARE ONLINE!
... AND: THEY ARE NOT PAYING ME TO LINK TO THEM :(

xo, aro