Raaaarrrr

The last few days, and yesterday especially, I've been in a growly mood. I've stomped around the apartment and sat slumped at my desk and stood confused in the very middle of the room and growled.
GRRRRR!!!!
I don't feel like a lion, a monster or really anything that stalks, and most of the time I couldn't even tell you what I have been growling about. That is the problem.
I feel more confused and frustrated with myself than I have since I was thirteen.
Sometimes I want to kick and tear at the fabric of this reality and rip it to shreds. Everyone here is blind, and me most of all.
We are so wrapped up in things that don't matter; we spend our days worshipping pre-rubble, junk that will be gone in an instant and leave us no better off for our devotion; we wallow in our own wounds and turn away from the transformation that we so obviously need.
RAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
I don't know where I should be or what I should do. I'm not entierly sure who I am. I feel like I may never know these things completely. I always thought that at this point in my life I would be living my childhood dreams, not questioning whether those dreams are even worth pursuing. I am afraid that I'm destined to be a wanderer . . . certinally that's all I ever have been, and the prospect of a liquid life spent treading water is, well . . .
GGRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!
There must be more here. I am hoping that I can be strong enough to find it. But for now I wish for intemporal boots to thrash at this veil of existence and kick open wide, gaping holes to heaven.