All alone love-struck for a dizzy moment (Emo Week Continues!!)

It has been a very long time since I've been moved by a girl in any inexplicable way. For the greater part of this past year romance has felt like a very dead, far away thing to me, to the point that listening to swaggering love songs has reminded me of nothing more than sitting curious and bewildered in pew at an elaborate religious service conducted in a foreign another language.
Of course every now and then I've thought about what it might be like to date someone, but it's always been a very calculated business involving mostly trivial matters such as: would she tolerate my taste for punk music, would I tolerate her taste for ridiculous clothing; would she spend 70-80% of the time being cold and condescending, would she eventually go psycho, would I regret the whole business within a week, etc.
It has been a very very long time since just a conversation with a woman left me feeling so soft, airy and unable to concentrate.
And I should say that when it suddenly happened it rather caught me off guard.
I can't say that I am happy about this.
Not because of the girl -- at the moment I happen to think that she's the sweetest thing ever, which only happens when you know someone inside and out or, as is the case here, hardly at all -- but because of (well, I suppose part of it is that the girl could be [and probably is] very different from how I imagine her, but that's a digression), because of me. Because I feel rather incapable at the moment of giving my whole heart to anything, let alone another person. I'm not sure that I even have a whole heart to give, quite frankly. And I'm terrified of gathering all the pieces and trying to put it back together. Why in the world would I be terrified of that? Why would I be afraid of pulling myself together? What am I scared of?
I've always said to myself that I can't have an extraordinary woman until I have become an extraordinary man.
Hopefully, some day, that will happen.

< / emo >
The skin on the bottoms of my feet is peeling. I don't know why!