Sushi Stories part 4
So here is the sushi story I had originally intended to tell in the first post.
It goes like this (some of you may have already heard it):
So I am talking to the girl who is training me, whose name is Chao. She is apparently a math teacher during the day, but she looks like she is about twelve years old.
I show her a picture of Erin on my cell phone and she asks how long we have been dating. I tell her about two and a half years. I’m kind of proud of the fact, since I don’t know a lot of people who have managed to maintain a serious relationship that long, especially a long-distance one.
Chao seems slightly shocked.
“Two years?” she says, “that’s not very long. My boyfriend and I have been dating for eighteen years. But we’re getting married soon.”
Eighteen years. I’m not making that part up. I haven’t maintained a relationship with anyone unrelated to me biologically for even close to eighteen years. Chao must obviously be much more than twelve years old, but even assuming that she is closer to 30, it seems downright absurd.
I mentioned this the other day to my coworker Susan, who is the same age as me. “It’s not that weird,” she said, “Chao is older than she looks. She’s like 10 years older than us. Seriously. And I’ve been dating my boyfriend for like seven years, so that’s about the same.”
But still, I said, that’s a long time to date someone.
“Yeah, but they’re getting married soon,” Susan said.
Wha-----?
I do not know anyone else who is still with the person they were dating when they were fourteen, except for my brother I guess, but he still IS fourteen, so that doesn’t count. I know people who have married their high school sweethearts and all that, but none of them dated for seven years – let alone eighteen – before getting married. High school sweethearts tend to get married as soon as high school is over.
In the culture that I’m used to, dating for more than two or three years is usually regarded as a sign of indecision or extenuating circumstances.
When I thought about writing this, I had planned on whining about relationships and commitment and How Things Are Confusing Sometimes and I Just Don’t Understand Them, but it turns out that I’m just not up to it right now, and you probably aren’t either.
I love you all, though.
posted by Aaron at 9:42 PM
3 Comments:
holy crap! 18 years! Yeah, when I tell people I dated someone for 2 1/2 years they marvel at the length of the relationship. You're the only person I know who has done the same.
Shows how much we know about some other cultures.
Yeah, sometimes I look back and think...damn dating Josh for 2.5 years was a long time but I think maybe you don't even notice it sometimes?
I don't think it's necessarily a culture thing. I'm meeting more and more people who are getting married much later in life. I think it may be better that way, because by that point (although 18 years is a very long time) you definitely know you want to be with that person. It's kind of better to test the waters by just dating than to just jump into marriage after high school and then suddenly realize "oh crap! we have to get a divorce!"
Plus many relationships are different now because they can have all of the elements of a marriage except that little piece of paper saying you have legally been bound. I went through a phase where I thought marriage was ridiculous because it's just putting a label. If two people love each other enough, they can stay faithful/maintain a relationship for a very long time without having to make it a "contract" I think.
People have sex before marriage and a lot of people even have kids /live together and don't get married. It sure is not the way I want things but I can understand it.
I definitely think it is smart to date a lot longer when you are still really young, especially in high school. Most of the time it is a bad idea to marry your high school sweetheart right out of high school. Too many major life changes ahead.
It seems to me that most Christian young people are afraid of failure in life; that's why dating someone longer than 3 years without marriage plans is seen as a bad sign. Or maybe it is just cultural. I don't know. I guess when I think about it, every relationship I've known personally that's gone more than 3 years without any definite future plans actually has been a sign of indecision and doom. I've seen it happen a few times now with friends.
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